Don’t Go To College
We
were smoking pot in the bathroom, as was customary tradition in those
days. It was college – give me a fuckin’
break. Everybody’s allowed to be a kid
for a little while.
Back
in those days we had every type of smoking device necessary – bongs, pipes,
vaporizers, rolling papers. This was
before dabs and all that bullshit. No
THC oil, I’m talking about smoking marijuana.
Back before they turned it into this whole “medicinal use” brand, believe
it or not, smoking weed used to be fun.
I shit you not.
We
were high as kites and there may or may not have been alcohol involved but the
circumstances were such that I was set up to fail. I was high, we were all high, I probably had
a beer or two and I needed to take a piss.
The thing about it is that to not get caught in the dorms we had to
smoke in the bathroom so the R.A.’s wouldn’t smell it. I didn’t want to inconvenience my friends so
I just told them to move and started taking a piss in the toilet. I thought the dudes would be decent and
practice standard urinal etiquette. I
still sigh when I think back to how wrong I was.
So
immediately the short guy in the group starts examining my cock and asking me
why it’s so small and all. Of course I
did what any person would do in a situation in which standard urinal etiquette was
not being practiced.
“Why
are you looking, faggot?” I snarled.
As I
was facing the toilet, finishing my urination process, things began escalating
pretty quickly behind me. The little
short guy apparently felt it was necessary for him to show everyone else his dick. Again I pointed out how gay he was
acting. But apparently nobody seemed to
understand that I was fulfilling a normal biological task we must all
endure. I was being nice. I didn’t want to cramp their style. They were smoking pot. I needed to pee. No big deal.
But
then the dicks started coming out. And
all the sudden, I’m trapped in this borderline homosexual scenario, trying to
shake the last remaining drops of urine out of my foreskin so I can escape,
when our Asian friend informs us all that he’s starting to feel left out.
“Well,
everybody’s showing each other their dicks, I mean, I just feel like I should-“
I
turned around and tried to take control of the situation. I should have made for the door but something
about the situation was pissing me off.
Apparently a man can’t take a piss in a public bathroom without a bunch
of guys showing each other their flaccid cocks.
It’s horrific, it’s childish, it’s inconvenient. I’m straight. I don’t have the desire to see other dudes’ copulatory
organs. That’s why I like POV
pornography and the JOI genre. Or just
straight up, chicks masturbating with dildos and vibrators, shit I’m into.
I
said, “Don’t you do it.”
He
had half a smile. He was like a
misbehaving dog with his ears back, half-submissive.
“Don’t,”
I warned him.
He
pulled it out and I saw it.
Long
story short – don’t go to college.
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